#Silly

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"If you approach Cannes with a sense of humor, nothing is that bad. You have to take it for what it is; otherwise, it's silly."

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."