#Silly

"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."

"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?"

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"You know, people ask me. They say 'Dan, three years later do you really want to be drawing cat whiskers on your face?' but they don't understand. The cat whiskers, they come from within."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."