#teachings

"Pizza vs. Internet Porn I'm still debating whether pizza or internet porn is the best thing ever invented.I've already jack-off three times while eating a double-cheese pepperoni piemaking my careful deliberations."

"Treat'em Like a Dishtowel (⌣́,⌣̀)⇝♥⇜(^◡^ ) [10w] "If I wring you out will you wring me back?"

"God Created [10w] Lips were created to kiss and hands to make peace."

"National Rifle Association Credo [10w] God gave us two hands to holdan assault rifle."

"Facebook's New Marketing Slogan "We can only be lonesome together.900,000,000 served."

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Somalia Haiku For a Somalian, heaven's drawing water from a well in an earthen pot."

"Happiness [10w] Happiness resides in the quiet pause,not in the pursuit."

"Missouri State Motto Salus populi suprema lex esto [16]If our chiggers don't getcha', Rush Limbaugh will."

"You're Totally Fucked' Defined [10w] What's before you is hopeless and behind you is negligible."

"The ‘New House, New Luck’ Fallacy [10w] Switching external environment doesn't cure depression;change must occur internally."

"Life is like a game of chess.To win you have to make a move.Knowing which move to make comes with IN-SIGHTand knowledge, and by learning the lessons that areacculated along the way.We become each and every piece within the game called life!"

"*"Maybe the whole point of my life is to make you feel more alive."

"The Poet as Enchantress [10w] + {Couplet} The poet is an enchantress,with or without a dress."

"A Suicide's Regret "I cut my vein in vain;blood slowly oozes out.I should've cut an arteryand watch it spurt and spout."

"Selfies [10w] Selfies allows you instant gratification and reminiscence all at once."

"Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"If You Can't Think, You've No Right to Speak [10w] Our Constitution's guarantee of free speech specifically excludes fucking idiots."

"Rationality vs. Madness [10w] Rationality maintains the world's status quo.Madness drives the change."