#teachings

"Don't Quit ❣ Don't quit on love and it won't bail on you."

"Movies [10w] Movies were invented to sellbuttery snacks and sugary drinks"

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."

"New Year's Resolutions New Year's resolutions shouldn't be about doing new things;it should be about stopping to do the shitty things you're already doing."

"Maintaining the Distance between Wealth and Poverty [10w] The nouveau riche are far more ruthlessthan the rich."

"Sink or Swim [10w] Lovers master the breaststroke, the crawl and the muff dive."

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"New Year Resolutions I [10w] Change my voice;unclog my ears;open my heart."

"God Made God made our beingour parents our bodyphilosophy our mindchildren our compassionhostory our loyaltywork our self-esteembattles our heroismpoetry our soulsoulmates our lovewhich stitches it all togetherinto a life."

"Murder [10w] Two coats of paint doen't get rid of a ghost."

"Gypsy When one gypsy spits on you, its disgusting;when two do, it's suspicious;when three do, you're late to a gypsy wedding."

"♀ Travelers vs. ♀ Tourists [10w] + [10w] Female travelers wear no makeup, stringy jewelry and Jesus sandals.Female travelers wear overcaked makeup, diamond jewelry and Gucci Booties."

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Diplomacy The diplomat's expert way of saying 'They should go fuck themselves' is:"We are agreed in principleand will take our minor differencesunder thoughful consideration."

"Winning vs. Losing [10w] Too often the cost of winning is losing your soul."

"❞ [10w] "Let's cuddle like a quotation mark filling a blank page."

"Indiscernible Love [10w] True love's so effortless, others can hardly see it's happening."

"They'd Rather Switch [10w] Hearing is wasted on the blind;sight, on the deaf."

"Hustling [10w] Fishing's the world's oldest profession;only the bait has changed."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."