Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?"

"I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."