Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"After I’m dead, I want to ghostwrite my autobiography."

"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."

"Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball."

"The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger."

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."

"With six pieces of wood, I’m building a life, and my coffin."

"I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them."