Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"At the end of the universe you’ll find a door labeled “Do Not Enter.” No great mysteries are hidden there—it’s just a supplies closet."

"I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of her?"

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."

"I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet."

"Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did."

"Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I used to dream of going to the Olympics. But then I changed my mind, once I found out how expensive the tickets are."

"We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso."

"I put the “now” in knowledge. Well, I will put it there, probably tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"My answer is nope, so don’t even hope."

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all the sugar is. I wonder if life is the same way as we approach the end."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"With my career I want to either make something or make an impact. Writers both make something, and make an impact."

"His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it back in skull—what was I thinking?"

"She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream."

"In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two."

"My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time."

"As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon."