Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug.... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, Who Moved My Cheese?! Did somebody let grandpa out of his cage again?"

"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."

"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."