I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at th... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"I’ve spent a lifetime learning to love—the lifetime of a chameleon. But hey, I’ve learned a lot in the last year, though you couldn’t tell because I camouflage my feelings."

"I am an orange construction cone, and I say to you, “Caution.” This is my advice for love—and for driving while blindfolded, which is safer than love."

"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."

"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."