I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."

"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."

"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."

"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."