Pepperonis are like edible polkadots. I made you a pizza dre... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I fall in love with you four times a year: winter, spring, summer, and fall. The leaves may change, but how I feel about you does not."

"I gave her a hundred dollar bill. She said, “Thanks, how can I repay you?” I replied, “Two fifties would be good, but three fifties would be better."

"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"

"I miss her like 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, and 5 misses 8. When we made love, our two bodies formed one spiral that seemed to cycle to the sky."

"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"