#humorous

"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."

"If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave."

"Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch."

"Plans are invitation to disappointment."

"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you."

"I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction"

"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."

"Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

"Create your own path.Don't blindly follow the massess... because most of the time the "M"is silent."

"I only have so much willpower, Helen,"he whispered. "And since you apparently sleep in the most ridiculously transparent tank top I've ever seen, I'm going to have to ask you to get under the covers before I do something stupid."

"To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans"

"One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace."

"I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall."

"When stuck in outer space, moonwalk home. I can dance as well as any hitchhiker in the galaxy, and you can 42 off if you don’t believe me."

"Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants."

"New streets should be Twitter friendly and be named with hashtags up front. I’d build a house on ‪#‎LoversLane‬."

"You might want to lie down,"Magnus advised. "I find that it helps when the crushing sense of horrible realization sets in."

"I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me."

"Your friends can be double-edged knife thy can either nurture you or destroy you. Choose them Wisely......"

"Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though."