Groucho Marx

"Room service? Send up a larger room."[A Night at the Opera]"

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"Before I speak, I have something important to say."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."