Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun."

"Room service? Send up a larger room."[A Night at the Opera]"

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while"

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."

"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."