"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."
"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."
"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."