Jarod Kintz, Write like no one is reading 3

"I'm going to sell Flash Bang Wow Fuzz (not a drill) in a bottle, but I’m not sure how to market it. Maybe as a drinkable alternative to love."

"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"I’ll give you 50% off for half a year, or 100% off for a whole year. At these bargain discount prices, my love won’t last forever."

"Despite his last name, I’ll bet Johnny Cash never had an inflated ego, or needed a wheelbarrow full of last name to go shopping."

"Even though it’s locked in a cage, my heart is a bird that flutters at the sound of her voice, as if trying to fly to the point in the sky where yellow meets blue."

"To catch affection, try being efficient by using a fishing net. You can’t sit back and wait for romance to grow on trees."

"I work in a secret whisper factory. It’s all very hush-hush. Her love for me could be found there, if it could be found at all, but it can’t, because it’s invisible."

"I thirst for love like a camel thirsts for water. I’m going through a desert right now, but I’m searching for the oasis of my life."

"I cry, but not for myself. There’s too much sadness in this world to waste a moment with self-pity, when making others smile will also make me smile."

"When traveling on foot through the Sahara Desert, be sure to pack several gallons of ice cream, and keep them close to your heart, because nothing, not even my love, can make that thing melt."

"Though it comes from her throat, I drink the sound of her voice. Her I love yous dehydrate me, because they leave me thirsting for more."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"If there are two men, Rod and Rob, and you can only steal from one, which one would you choose? The answer is: Whichever one is a banker."

"When traveling on foot through the Sahara Desert, be sure to pack several gallons of ice cream, and keep them close to your heart, because nothing, not even my love, can make that thing melt."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"I cry, but not for myself. There’s too much sadness in this world to waste a moment with self-pity, when making others smile will also make me smile."

"When stuck in outer space, moonwalk home. I can dance as well as any hitchhiker in the galaxy, and you can 42 off if you don’t believe me."

"We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think we can make a batch or two by morning."

"She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience—and patients. I would have said more, but I ran out of homophones."