humor

"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?"

"Good planning is important. I've also regarded a sense of humor as one of the most important things on a big expedition. When you're in a difficult or dangerous situation, or when you're depressed about the chances of success, someone who can make you laugh eases the tension."

"The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance."

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"Married people should not be quick to hear what is said by either when in ill humor."

"I think a sense of humor will help get a girl out of a dark place."

"I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world."

"Must be weird for you, having your mom here.""Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.""Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.""Cal,"I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?""Maybe."

"Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace"as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil"or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping."

"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."

"Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island"could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"You're a stalker with hooves.""I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing."

"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"

"I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge."

"the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes,"said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

"Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth."

"Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic."

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

"I'd never met coffee that wasn't wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was."

"Jesus!"Luke exclaimed."Actually, it's just me,"said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."