humor

"Humor - I see it as a survival skill."

"As a sculptor, I prefer busts. As a lover of women, I prefer busts. And as a football enthusiast, I prefer Robert Griffin III."

"You find out in life that people really like you funny. So what do you give 'em? Humor. And then if you show them the other side, they don't like you as much. I find, too, that I can hide behind the idiot's mask being funny, and you never see the sorrow or the pain."

"I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing."

"Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it."

"The more women sit down and write something in a woman's voice for a woman, they more you'll see women in comedy because gender doesn't define sense of humor. Imagination and intelligence and perspective do."

"Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass."

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations."

"So,"he called to her back, "Just out of curiosity, you know, purely conversation and all, at what age will you be entertaining offers of marriage?""You think it'll be so easy?"she called back over her shoulder. "No way. There will be tasks. Like in a fairy tale.""Sounds dangerous.""Very, so think twice.""No need,"he said. "You're worth it."

"If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?"

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."

"The president of General Motors was in a foul humor."

"I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across!"

"I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?"

"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you"signs in the world. It's impossible."

"You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."

"She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?"