humor

"I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?""I know who you are, but..."Maia looked dazed. "You look so...so...shiny."

"Really, these wizards! You'd think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?"she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet."I'm dying of boredom,"Howl said pathetically. "Or maybe just dying."

"I love you above all things, even pie."

"Hide things everywhere. Forget about them. Find them randomly and feel surprised like a pirate finding buried treasure. Avoid scurvy. Love more."

"The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness."

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

"My humor tends to be a little more edgy than is appropriate for 'Twilight,' although I got some in there. That was fun! There's just a tonal difference. For me, storytelling is storytelling. But, I do like writing for grown ups."

"Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!"

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational."

"Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?"

"Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure."

"Candidates should be extremely cautious in displaying a sense of humor. If he or she tells a joke with a point, there is almost certain to be some minority group offended."

"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'"

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."