humor

"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"As a sculptor, I prefer busts. As a lover of women, I prefer busts. And as a football enthusiast, I prefer Robert Griffin III."

"I’ve changed, and she’s changed, but we haven’t changed together. We were in separate dressing rooms the whole time we dated."

"So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off.""If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know."

"Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."

"I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth."

"the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes,"said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."

"As I get older, my sense of humor is my biggest asset."

"Our ability to find humor in the world, to make connections between previously unconnected notions, to create new ideas, to share in a common culture: All these essentially human acts depend on memory."

"Katsa and Po were trying to drown each other and, judging from their hoots of laughter, enjoying it immensely."

"Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere."

"Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?"

"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."

"Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable."

"Comedy, we may say, is society protecting itself - with a smile."

"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."

"Cats are puddles of cuteness. I stepped in one the other day that was so muddy I not only had to pet it, but cuddle with it for hours."

"Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!"