humor

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."

"We’ll never survive!” “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has."

"One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"As a person, he was wonderful. He really was a great person. He was full of life. He had a great sense of humor. Very talented, of course, but very caring to his parents. There was a very endearing quality about Elvis."

"He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?""Like what?""Like hitting on you.""Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way."Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee."What? You think he does?""Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood.""Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?""Not enough coffee."

"Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles"

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

"They say: Think twice before you jump. I say: Jump first and then think as much as you want!"

"I find intelligence sexy. I find a sense of humor sexy. I find sensitivity sexy."

"So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off.""If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know."

"'The Sopranos' is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes - infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes me laugh."

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."

"I think people appreciate a songwriter who shows different sides. The whole angst thing is cool, but if that's all you've got, it's just boring. Everything I write, whether it's happy or sad, has a sense of humor to it."

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."

"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."

"It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breedsmore words than he needsis making a chorefor the reader who reads.That's why my belief isthe briefer the brief is,the greater the sighof the reader's relief is.And that's why your bookshave such power and strength.You publish with shorth!(Shorth is better than length.)"

"I had a dream about you. I told you I loved you, and you stopped folding clothes, turned to look me in my eyes, and replied, “The cat food on the moon is probably all dry.” Then I started crying, because up until that point I had no idea that I meant that much to you and I was overjoyed with raw emotion."

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."