humor

"You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me."

"Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrialhighway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later."

"I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much."

"People, generally, suck."

"I talk about race and culture, and that's what my fans respond to. If you grew up in an environment where race and culture were never an issue for you, or where you don't see the humor in our so-called differences, then you might not respond to what I'm doing."

"Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius."

"Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear."

"He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party."

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."

"Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him."Oh no... why?"I'm not sure that's a good idea."Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line."Are you ashamed of me?""No!"It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes."

"I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red."

"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance. If you saw a man repeatedly running into a wall until he was a bloody pulp, after a while it would make you laugh because it becomes absurd."

"I just am a snob when it comes to humor."

"I bet,"said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything."

"Both of my parents have great senses of humor."

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."