humor

"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny."

"Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry."

"Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."

"Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant."

"Why do all your brilliant ideas involve felonies?"

"I've always been a fan of a Johnny Carson because he was so great with an audience and not afraid of self-deprecating humor."

"Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it."

"Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies."

"Look on the bright side,"said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway."

"I was a product of a divorced family and I used humor as a weapon to combat sadness. I used comedy to make my mother laugh in light of the darkness that she faced, and to me it became a very powerful tool at a very young age, at six. I saw how therapeutic it could be."

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"After spending 460 days as a hostage, I did emerge a fundamentally changed person. But I think, like everyone does as they grow older and probably wiser, I can look back at my earlier life - my history, my mistakes, the joy I felt as a young woman traveling the world - with some objectivity and even some humor."

"I've been encouraging documentary filmmakers to use more and more humor, and they're loath to do that because they think if it's a documentary it has to be deadly serious - it has to be like medicine that you're supposed to take. And I think it's what keeps the mass audience from going to documentaries."

"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."

"Working on newspapers, you're writing to a certain length, often very brief pieces; you tend to look for easy forms of humor - women can't drive, things like that. That's about the level of a lot of newspaper humor. It becomes a form of laziness."