humor

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it."

"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."

"Never memorize something that you can look up."

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."

"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"I don't think that because you die and move on to somewhere else that you lose your sense of humor."

"In my first story, 'Mr. Mysterious & Company'... I was asked to take out some of the humor because editors were afraid reviewers would dismiss the book as a joke. Today, humor is enjoyed and no longer regarded as literary brummagem."

"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious."

"There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"I love you and it's getting worse."

"I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons."

"When you're in Hollywood, you get sort of jaded about what you think the sense of humor of Hollywood is supposed to be, so you can't think outside the box."