humor

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."

"She'd met Colin on a Monday.She'd kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic."

"Humor expands our limited picture frame and gets us to see more than just our problem."

"Good acting is thinking in front of the camera. I just do that and apply a sense of humor to it. You have to trust the audience to get it."

"It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover."

"It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word."

"I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light."

"I've got a great sense of humor, and if I'm able to say or do something in a movie that people feel like they want to repeat, that's hugely flattering."

"[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth."

"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."

"No. Now, shut up and eat your pears."

"I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point."

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

"If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong."I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they're eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I'm a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are full of creme fraiche, and yet I look in the mirror, take in the hair and makeup, and think, Damn, baby, you fiiine."

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"My bookcase is all yours."I walked to the door. "I've just decided that those are my favorite five words in the world."

"I walked to work. I paced up and down the bus looking for a seat. Next time I walk to work I’m getting on my treadmill."

"I have a terrible memory; I never forget a thing."

"I feel ill,"[Howl] announced. "I'm going to bed, where I may die."

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."