"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."
"This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately)."
"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."
"There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t."