I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."

"I use two yards of wrapping paper per one inch of present. Luckily I gave you the gift of love, so I was able to wrap it in tinfoil. Uncover before reheating."

"I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet."

"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."