#relationships

"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."

"Library [10w] Hopefully, the library in the afterlife doesn't contain contemporary poetry."

"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."

"The words ‘I Love You’ kill, and resurrect millions, in less than a second."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting."

"People don't get to our ages without having pasts. I'm more interested in the future."

"I watered your memory every day to keep it alive, and after all this time it's like a tall cypress tree rooted deep in the St. John's River."

"Intimacy requires courage because risk is inescapable. We cannot know at the outset how the relationship will affect us. Like a chemical mixture, if one of us is changed, both of us will be. Will we grow in self-actualization, or will it destroy us? The one thing we can be certain of is that if we let ourselves fully into the relationship for good or evil, we will not come out unaffected."

"Mingling Defined [10w] Superficial people engaging with superficial people on a superficial level."

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."

"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."

"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."

"I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?"

"What Teenage Boys Do On Their Computer All Day [10w] ctrl alt delete ex-girlfriendcut paste Penelope Cruzpost Facebook"

"The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder."

"Free Will [20w] A bunch of amino acids bumping up together is not the scientific explanation of free will, it's grilling a hamburger."

"My love is powdered sunshine. Just add water. (Warning: Do NOT attempt to snort it or distribute as a healthy cocaine substitute.)"

"Heartbreak [10w] Heartbreak’s like a heart attack but without the hospital bills."

"And now you are and I am and we're a mystery which will never happen again."

"Like a ballet dancer, she keeps me on my toes. This dance we're doing, it keeps me so fit I know she's a perfect fit for me."