#xazaqazax

"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."

"Trophies are clutter at best, and weapons at worst. I prefer my awards heavy and with handles."

"My name represents me, but it’s not who I am. It’s just a collection of letters. Unfortunately, none of them are love letters."

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

"Politically, I feel out of touch, like I’m wearing gloves—boxing gloves. We need to go bareknuckle to beat back the entrenched establishment."

"Flower petals in the breeze look like a butterfly flapping its wings. My love for you takes flight like a white orchid blushing pink."

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."

"Professional wrestling is a lot like cuddling, I thought as I hugged a tree. As far as lumberjacks go, I’m slow, but when the tree finally falls for me, it falls hard."

"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."

"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."