#xazaqazax

"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."

"My instant love in a box is perfect for Florida. Just add water."

"Behold, the number five is at hand. Grab it and shake and harness the power of networking."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"A tornado is the ultimate coffee grinder. Just add water, and you’ll wake the whole trailer park."

"She looked, but she couldn’t see. She was wearing an emotional blindfold, and though she heard me say I love you, she just didn’t listen."

"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"I don’t like my circle of friends, so I’m changing them to a square. Love shapes our lives, so why not shape who we love?"

"I bleed ink for her, because her name is written on my heart. She’s the author of all the love I have to give."

"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."

"Politically, I feel out of touch, like I’m wearing gloves—boxing gloves. We need to go bareknuckle to beat back the entrenched establishment."

"I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me."

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"I keep water in my pockets, as portable fish tanks. My love letters often get soggy with sentimentality."

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."