#xazaqazax

"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."

"I need to take loving to the extreme, as if it were a sport requiring a helmet and parachute. I wonder if @redbull would sponsor me."

"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."

"Relax. Just be. And be just."

"I need to be gentler, I said definitively to myself, as I clenched my fist and shook it in the air. Love takes flight like two powerful wings, but hits like a collection of feathers."

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."

"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."

"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."

"Last night my shadow exploded into hundreds of fluttering black birds, foreshadowing my love taking flight under the cover of camouflage."

"I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than admitting I randomly had it already. Now that’s love."

"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."

"Our love will blend together like turquoise is blue and green. There’s no depression or envy when both blur into one."

"To show you I love you, I bought you an antique watch. You can tell it's old because it doesn't even work. I got a great deal on it."

"I’d rather sell one thing for one million dollars, than sell one million things for one dollar each. I feel the same about my love and women."

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."