#xazaqazax

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."

"I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than admitting I randomly had it already. Now that’s love."

"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."

"My name represents me, but it’s not who I am. It’s just a collection of letters. Unfortunately, none of them are love letters."

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."

"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."

"Professional wrestling is a lot like cuddling, I thought as I hugged a tree. As far as lumberjacks go, I’m slow, but when the tree finally falls for me, it falls hard."

"I bleed ink for her, because her name is written on my heart. She’s the author of all the love I have to give."

"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."

"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."

"Some people grow vegetables by day, but I grow shadows by night. Right now my only customer is the US government, but the profit is unbelievable."

"Before the NSA there was the Catholic Church. What is confessional if not a place to gather secrets? No wonder the church had all the power."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."

"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"Relax. Just be. And be just."

"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."