Woody Allen

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition."

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."