Woody Allen

"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

"There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope."

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."

"All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"My brain? That's my second favorite organ."