Woody Allen

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it."

"To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."