humor

"Colin decided then and there that the female mind was a strange and incomprehensible organ - one which no man should even attempt to understand. There wasn't a woman alive who could go from point A to B without stopping at C, D, X, and 12 along the way."

"I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?""I know who you are, but..."Maia looked dazed. "You look so...so...shiny."

"Why do all your brilliant ideas involve felonies?"

"What are you talking about?"Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this.""Amazing at pure suck,"Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that."

"I like to spoon after I fork."

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

"Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys."

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."

"He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.Her nose wrinkled. "Step in something?"she asked innocently."That I did not mind."He took a menacing step toward her. "What I did mind was being hit by a cab, then landing on the lap of a naked man. With an erection, Anya. He had an erection."

"Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers."

"I wrote you a love letter. I used invisible ink to show I was being transparent with my feelings. And also to hide my feelings."

"There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking"

"Meow” means “woof” in cat."

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"

"Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent."

"Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body."

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

"Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast."

"Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity."