humor

"Pasteboard pies and paper flowers are being banished from the stage by the growth of that power of accurate observation which is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it...."

"Ontologically, chocolate raises profoundly disturbing questions: Does not chocolate offer natural revelation of the goodness of the Creator just as chilies disclose a divine sense of humor? Is the human born with an innate longing for chocolate? Does the notion of chocolate preclude the concept of free will?"

"The sh*t's gonna splatter, start buggin, yo..."Mencheres to Cat"

"Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on."

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

"One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine."

"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."

"I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh."

"I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem."

"Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it."

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."

"I don't know what I was expecting a vampire's room to look like. Maybe lots of black, a bunch of books by Camus... oh, and a sensitive portrait of the only human the vamp ever loved, who had no doubt died of something beautiful and tragic, thus dooming the vamp to an eternity of moping and sighing dramatically.What can I say? I read a lot of books."

"My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored."

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

"I can't begin to tell you how fulfilling the perennial nature of 'Elf' on television has been for me. It's great to be able to connect parents with children both emotionally and through humor."

"There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you."

"One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter."

"I went to a potluck. I brought my own pot—and luck. The pot was empty, just like my promise to bring food the next time."