humor

"You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments."

"I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. Like a true hustler."

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"I thought my family was really funny. Everybody in my family was funny. My mom and dad both have great senses of humor and really saw the funny in stuff, so I think that's probably where it came from. I always try to see the funny in things."

"No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time."

"I love you above all things, even pie."

"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."

"I met Woz when I was 13, at a friend's garage. He was about 18. He was, like, the first person I met who knew more electronics than I did at that point. We became good friends, because we shared an interest in computers and we had a sense of humor. We pulled all kinds of pranks together."

"What are all these?"Clary asked."Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades,"Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-""Jesus,"said Clary"I doubt he'd fit.""Jace."Clary was appalled."

"The door banged open, and Eve rushed out, flushed and mussed and still buttoning her shirt. 'It's not what you think,' she said. 'It was just—oh, okay, whatever, it was exactly what you think. Now, what?"

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."

"We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon."

"Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers."

"George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words."

"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."

"Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?"And that answer, I'm afraid, is silence."

"I find any sort of acting that doesn't have any humor in it is mind-numbingly boring."

"Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!"

"She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!"