#humor

"Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night."

"Stop!"Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..."He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid."

"Closets Opening and Closing [10w] + [10w] You can take sweet gay men out of the closet;you can't take the closet out of the master-bedroom suite."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

"Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on."

"Finish Off Your Enemies If you finish off your enemiesdo they wind up more charming and with better manners?"

"DNA [10w] DNA's the last hope of our species,spiraling to extinction."

"A Prayer God, be my light in pitch-black night;Show me the path from wrong to rightThat I might in Your hands be delivered later,Having eclipsed myself to become something greater."

"What happened to your tan?"--Fang"It was dirt."--Max"

"The Gypsy Jackpot An ambulance, a police car and a fire truck parked in front of a gypsy's trailer can only mean one thing ~ insurance scam!"

"How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste."

"Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street."

"It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own."

"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."

"I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?"

"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."

"Il Principe 2015: Lesson 1 - The Balls If humility is what's all important to your adversary,humble yourself before him,and you've got him by the balls."

"A telkhine was hunched over a console, but he was so involved with his work, he didn't notice us. He was about five feet tall, with slick black seal fur and stubby little feet. He had the head of a Doberman, but his clawed hands were almost human. He growled and muttered as he tapped on his keyboard. Maybe he was messaging his friends on uglyface.com."

"I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book."

"Narcissist, Assholes and Immunization Narcissists and assholes are immunized by their egos and sense of entitlement against the criticisms, grievances and resentments of others."