#humor

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."

"A Chuck Yeager Moment {Couplet} There's a sonic boom resonating in my head as I break through the 2000 HP follower watershed."

"Fame [10w] Fame has a funny way of rewriting your entire past."

"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising."

"I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet one. Still, it’s important for me to get out and meet people, even if that means hanging around department stores wearing the latest fashions."

"Simply Fabulous Haiku If I write fablesam I a fabulist orsimply fabulous?"

"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?"

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive."

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"This paper, by its very length, defends itself from ever being read."

"Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove."

"Frivolous Gossip and Poetry It's just so much frivolous gossip to dwell upon the moral merits of a poet;what should only concern the reader is the merit of his words.Leave moral judgments to the preachers and aesthetic judgments to the critical readers."

"French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused."

"I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her."

"Writer's block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you should feel the need to say something. Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough."

"Professors of literature collect books the way a ship collects barnacles, without seeming effort."

"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me."