#humor

"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."

"I dodged behind Mac for cover and refused to take the bait. I glanced at my nonexistent watch. 'Oops, look at the time. Guess I have to be going now. Let's not do this again sometime, okay?'Before I could move, Pritkin was there, jamming the medallion into the skin of my upper arm.'Ow!'He looked at me expectantly. I glared at him. 'That hurt!'What do you see?'A big red mark,"

"It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word."

"Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage.""Have you gone crazy? They'll..."Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing.""Exactly,"said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height.""Let's drop rocks on them!"

"Mythbusters [10w] Snipers will assure you safety in numbers is a myth."

"I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding."

"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."

"Invisible Attraction What's invisible to the eye is that as you move towards love,love moves towards you."

"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing."

"Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own."

"If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ..."

"If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal."

"I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them."

"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"Bagels and Lox Life's an everything bagel;love is a schmear of scallion cream cheese;and lox, no matter how you cut it,is resistant to dumbass metaphors."

"Spreading Yourself Too Thin We tend to bite off more than we can chewbecause we've got big mouths."

"Start here & go until you die, he said. What's so complicated about that?"

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."