"I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts."
#humor
4537 quotes about humor
Discover inspiring humor quotes from famous authors and thought leaders. Find wisdom and motivation about humor to inspire your life.
humor Quotes
"This book was written using 100% recycled words."
"Kenji snorts.“That’s because you’re not fragile,” Kenji says. “If anything, everyone needs to protect themselves from you. You’re like a freaking beast,” he says. Then adds, “I mean, you know—like, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people."
"The slang for the rectum is "prison wallet"."
"I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)"
"War [10w] When leaders threaten war,they’re breaking dirt on our graves."
"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."
"V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered."
"YOU FEAR TO DIE?"It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break..."
"You should save your hard-earned dollars, because one day when you have no electricity you'll need a big stash to burn to keep yourself warm."
"Cormorant’s Flight [10w] The cormorant’s flight is the first shadow of the wave."
"I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet one. Still, it’s important for me to get out and meet people, even if that means hanging around department stores wearing the latest fashions."
"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."
"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."
"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,"Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."
"I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."
"Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home."
"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."