#humor

"I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don't like being spied on."

"The scientific method is nothing more than a system of rules to keep us from lying to each other."

"You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"

"Mind's Eye What vain man is not a hero in his mind's eye;What egoist not the protagonist upon which the world revolves?"

"Make It Happen!!! [10w] Don't wait for someone to fall in love with you."

"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."

"Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald."

"He studied my appearance carefully. “You cut your hair.” “Yes. Do you like it?” “That depends. How long is it?” I pulled a curl down and showed him it ended just past my shoulder. He grunted, “That’s still long enough, so I like it.” “Long enough for what?” “Long enough for a man to run his hands through."

"Fashion [10w] Clothes makes the man.Fashion, above all, makes the President."

"Tyson- "Cash? Like...green paper?"Percy- "Yeah."Tyson- "Like the kind in duffel bags?"Percy-"Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g--.""Tyson! How did you--"Tyson- "Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry."

"People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"Control [10w] Don't lose control by imagining you can control your lover."

"Grease [10w] Relationships between people are rarely frictionless;they all need grease."

"In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense."

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"Poetry vs. Prose [10w] Prose is the bread of imagination;poetry is the wine."

"Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?"