#humor

"❞ [10w] "Let's cuddle like a quotation mark filling a blank page."

"*"Maybe the whole point of my life is to make you feel more alive."

"Nevada Haiku 'Happens in Vegasstays in Vegas', long as youpay hos to shut up."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree."

"Please, touch me, I pray."

"I wholesale wholesome, and sometimes I even halfsale it. But even when I halfsale, I still charge 100%. That’s the Zeno Discount."

"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."

"Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder"

"Cruel Love [10w] Cruel love helps turn out excellent,competitive, cutthroat, dog-eat-dog children."

"Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?"

"Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats."

"As an Odd-Fish, it is not my job to be right,' said Sir Oort. 'It is my job to be wrong in new and exciting ways."

"Promising vs. Promises A promising life comes from a childhood without broken promises."

"...you're either gonna spend your life fucking pussy, or taking it to church."

"Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program."

"I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

"love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers."

"Penetration [10w] The difference between truism and an enlightened [10w] is penetration."