#humor

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."

"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."

"What lies beneath the Semblance? What lies beneath the semblance.What lies beneath the semblance of lies.What lies beneath the semblance of lies!Lies lie beneath her semblance.Lies lie beneath her semblance.Lies, lies and more lies!"

"Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read."

"Do you wanna play? Everyone's dead, so I got bored. Did you come to play with me?--Wrath"

"You, Ms. Lane, are a menace to others! A walking, talking catastrophe in pink!"

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"Personally, I prefer Stevie Wonder,"confessed the Chink, "but what the hell. Those cowgirls are always bitching because the only radio station in the area plays nothing but polkas, but I say you can dance to anything if you really feel like dancing."To prove it, he got up and danced to the news."

"Neanderthal Poetry A poem should come as quick as lightningand create the awe Neanderthals felt cringing in their caves when hearing a clap of thunder."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."

"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."

"What is humor?' one of their professors had posed, and he had answered, ''nondangerous, unexpectedly inappropriate juxtaposition."

"Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight."

"The Human Race Pleasure is the sprint.Contentment is the 5 mile.Happiness is the marathon."

"Using my nipples as bait, I went fishing for compliments. I got a few bites, but nothing to write about in Field & Stream."

"Ruminating Poetry A poem should be eaten in one sittingbut regurgitated often like a ruminant's food."

"Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them."

"In and Out [10w] Our infant blanket in the externalization of our mother's womb.ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ ♛ ღ Intruth, we should be married under,sling our newborn babiesinand after deathbe shrouded in the same infant blanketwe were taken home from the hospital in."

"You must have been going very fast.""I was, until I hit the fence."