humor

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her."

"One in four people have a mental illness. You can be the one to make it two in four, if you’ll join me for a dance."

"In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!"

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."

"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face."

"Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart."

"You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me."

"Another werewolf thing. Like most animals, we spent a large part of our lives engaged in the three Fs of basic survival. Feeding, fighting and... reproduction."

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

"Pooh,"said Rabbit kindly, "you haven't any brain.""I know,"said Pooh humbly."

"I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else."

"The line between humor and bad taste is your audience, in which some people will find everything offensive, and some people will find nothing offensive, but the truth is that most humor originates in what would be called bad taste."

"It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-""You invented the internet?"It was my idea, Martha said.Rats are delicious, George said."It was my idea!"Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point."

"Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.”Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first."

"Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees."

"Believe it or not, there's a lot of humor in 'Mad Men.' Especially in the dark moments."

"If you're feeling blue, lock yourself in a room, stand in front of a mirror, and dance - and laugh at yourself and be sexy. Dance the silliest and ugliest you've ever danced. Make fun of yourself and try to recover your sense of humor."

"How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross."I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."