#humor

"Brianna dropped the skateboard in front of Sam. "Don't worry: I won't let you fall off.""Yeah? Then why did you bring the helmet?"Brianna tossed it to him. "In case you fall off."

"Nevada Haiku 'Happens in Vegasstays in Vegas', long as youpay hos to shut up."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me."

"Present {Couplet} Our present is the dissipating despair of our past mingled with the promise of our future we hope will last."

"Pepperonis are like edible polkadots. I made you a pizza dress, but I’m ashamed to admit I burned it. I’m afraid you’ll have to dance naked."

"V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered."

"The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you."

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"In this country we have no place for hyphenated Americans."

"Scientific Discovery [10w] The greatest scientific discoveries were madelooking at the overlooked."

"Gypsy When one gypsy spits on you, its disgusting;when two do, it's suspicious;when three do, you're late to a gypsy wedding."

"You're Totally Fucked' Defined [10w] What's before you is hopeless and behind you is negligible."

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research."

"Keep Austin Weird Haiku Neck dragon tattoo, piercings, purple haired kindergarten teacher.Keep Austin weird."

"‎No people whose word for 'yesterday' is the same as their word for 'tomorrow' can be said to have a firm grip on the time."

"You know what i can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, i mean endlessly, i've been telling you for years. So why don't you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?"

"I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby."

"Wisdom is knowing when you are being patient, and when you are wasting time by waiting."

"You're walking funny,"Lucy said, a shit-eating grin on her face. Five days of out of this world sex with a starving man could do that to a girl."You're just jealous."Brenna pushed through the door into DarkRiver's business HQ.Lucy made a mournful face. "Yes, I am. Goddamn but your man is hot. And he smiles at you! I've seen him do it, even if no one believes me."