#humor

"The Wonder of Wandering [10w] When you wander without destination,the world becomes your teacher."

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."

"Remorse among Thieves When a caught thief shows remorse he says to himself,"I knew I should pull off that heist differently."

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it."

"We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare.""Scrabble?"He sounds surprised. "Scrabble's great.""Not when you're playing with a family of geniuses, it's not. They all put words like 'iridiums'. And I put 'pig'."

"All right,"Clara said. "We have our swordsman, so let's get moving. Brigan, could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party."

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."

"Err [10w] My dear, "To err is human — to forgive, to redefine."

"I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck."

"Perspective [10w] In every needle there's a haystack,if you step back."

"From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: MoaningDate: May 31 2011 19:39 ESTTo: Christian GreyGotta go.Laters, baby......From: Christian GreySubject: PlagiarismDate: May 31 2011 16:41To: Anastasia SteeleYou stole my line.And left me hanging.Enjoy your dinner.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc."

"Male egos require constant stroking. Every task is an achievement, every success epic. That is why women cook, but men are chefs: we make cheese on toast, they produce pain de fromage."

"The AP Stylebook is Useless {Couplet} I can't abbreviate abbreviation nor know how to initialize an acronym,I can find the contraction for contraction nor the précis for a homonym."

"It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-""You invented the internet?"It was my idea, Martha said.Rats are delicious, George said."It was my idea!"Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."

"Sigh""Did you just say sigh? out loud? instead of actually sighing?"Eye roll"

"If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge."

"I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck."

"Mongolian, Temeenii'malgai The small fuzzy hat worn by camels that cross the Gobi desert. Usually stolen by natives of Ulaanbaatar for the groom's hat at weddings. The fuzz on the hat smells so bad that the groom is temporarily blinded and can't see how ugly the bride looks until it's too late."

"Theology, philosophy, metaphysics, and quantum physics are merely ways for God to have his smart people believe in him"