#humor

"My hands could be considered deadly weapons. You see, I write with both of them."

"Out of love for mankind, and out of despair at my embarrassing situation, seeing that I had accomplished nothing and was unable to make anything easier than it had already been made, and moved by a genuine interest in those who make everything easy, I conceived it as my task to create difficulties everywhere."

"Well", Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. "I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them"He held his hands up to them. "Look Ma, no mess.""Does Fang have an off switch?"Talon asked Vane."

"I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?"A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway.""While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid."

"If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked."

"I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak, to replace the one you stole."

"The AP Stylebook is Useless {Couplet} I can't abbreviate abbreviation nor know how to initialize an acronym,I can find the contraction for contraction nor the précis for a homonym."

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

"Aujourd'hui, on cherche partout à répandre le savoir; qui sait si, dans quelques siècles, il n'y aura pas des universités pour rétablir l'ancienne ignorance?"

"Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, "Don't do drugs. I feel I ought to say that."

"Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear."

"Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect."

"O God O God I love you.I worship you, I need you.Everything I am is because of you.Everything.O God I hate you."

"Silver knives! Painful and sometimes deadly to all paranormals!''Tasey!' I counterd 'Hot pink and sparkly!"

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"I had a dream about you. Dinner for two turned into dinner for three when you told me you were pregnant. I was excited, but a little nervous, because we were at a fancy restaurant and I only had enough money in my wallet to pay for two. So being the gentleman I am, I suggested that we skip out on the bill after we were finished eating."

"I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful."

"Virtual Friends [10w] Internet camaraderie's bullshit because these 'friends' can't be relied upon."