#humor

"GPS for Sin "You've entered the point of no return;Re-cal-cu-la-ting."

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."

"I had a dream about you. The seasons changed, but you did not. You were the same old person you always were, only older. And I was the same old person I always was, only younger. Yes, I’d discovered the Fountain of Youth, and since we were such old friends, I was going to let you have a swig for 10% off the suggested retail price."

"Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep."

"Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative."

"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."

"The Poet's Job [10w] + {Couplet} Trigger memory, explode an emotion;the poet must create commotion....................................................­....................."

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."

"Lies vs. Truth [10w] I can only speak truth if I lie to myself."

"I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real."

"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs."

"I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it."

"Patience is so valuable I'm willing to wait forever to achieve it. And while I wait, I may as well get busy being short-tempered."

"Illinois State Motto State sovereignty, national union.Life begins and ends with corruption."

"I didn't know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose."

"An Enirely Different Matter [10W] Four states of matter:solid, liquid, gasand ffuzzy-wuzzy."

"Patriotism [10w] Patriotism for the rich is a subtle synonym for profiteering."

"Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.No hope, no harm; just another false alarm"

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"Epiphanies [10w] Epiphanies aren't intuitions of new ideas;they're rearranging existing information."