#humor

"Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,"intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs."

"My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long."

"I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them."

"Be Careful What You Wish For More often than not,a dream come true is a nightmare-in-the-making."

"When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work."

"Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it."

"Endless Childhood [10w] + {Couplet} Put off summer's endAnd adulthood's vexingburdens shall suspend."

"Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?"asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends,"says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it."

"Some men never recover from education."

"It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover."

"Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)"

"I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead."

"Time [10w] {Couplet} Can there be more callous crimethan unkindly killing time?"

"Every morning I push through the pain—and force myself to keep sleeping, despite my aching body’s cries to quit. I am a champion."

"A few seconds after he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, there was a fleshly smack and then Andrew yelling, “Ouch. What in the hell was that for?” “Your timing sucks on an epic level,” Daemon shot back."

"She’s ignoring my texts. Maybe she’s dead. Oh, I certainly hope so. I’d hate to think she’s being deliberately unresponsive."

"Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers."

"I knew I could do it all this time,” said Harry, “Because I'd already done it... does that make sense?"

"The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."