#humor

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

"Did he just rip out the engine?"I asked."Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack."

"I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth."

"Don't run I never liked fast food"

"But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."I've seen it. It's rubbish,"said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."A what?"Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy."

"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."

"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?' 'To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.' 'The dog did nothing in the night-time.''That was the curious incident,' remarked Sherlock Holmes."

"Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a reform in higher education. A School of Comparative Irrelevance, where useless or impossibe courses are given. The school's aim is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects."

"Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?"

"I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned."

"You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me.""I was ninety percent sure.""I see,"Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hands on his cheek, more in surprise than pain."What the hell was that for?""The other ten percent."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"

"The Maker of the universe with stars a hundred thousand light-years apart was interested, furious, and very personal about it if a small boy played baseball on Sunday afternoon."

"I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?"

"Lotto If I won a million bucks in Lotto,I'd give it to Charity.Charity gives great head."

"There will be no yelling at people who are bleeding themselves to unconsciousness."

"Money vs. Happiness [10w] Why do people with money say,'money can't buy happiness'?"

"Once, when a religionist denounced me in unmeasured terms, I sent him a card saying, "I am sure you believe that I will go to hell when I die, and that once there I will suffer all the pains and tortures the sadistic ingenuity of your deity can devise and that this torture will continue forever. Isn't that enough for you? Do you have to call me bad names in addition?"

"Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun.""Fun"she said unhappily."Blue elephants.""Blue elephants.""Kiss me you fool.""You fool."

"No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time."