#humor

"Sex had been amazing, but it wasn't a magical cure for everything. Damn. Somewhere along the way, I'd picked up common sense."

"I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."

"Personally, I prefer Stevie Wonder,"confessed the Chink, "but what the hell. Those cowgirls are always bitching because the only radio station in the area plays nothing but polkas, but I say you can dance to anything if you really feel like dancing."To prove it, he got up and danced to the news."

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,"he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

"I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love."

"I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than admitting I randomly had it already. Now that’s love."

"I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry."

"This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence."

"Poetry as Conspiracy [10w] A poem is unspoken conspiracy between the reader and poet."

"I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point."

"What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"Earth is sad, Moon is shy, Sun is happy but wait a moment, I just forgot to tell you that I am the child of open sky."

"She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?"

"Leo: I'm almost out of gas! Woah, that came out wrong. I meant the burning kind!"

"Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes."

"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: It's the cheesiest... ...advertising slogan ever!"

"Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense."

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."

"Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation."

"Over [10w] It's never ever over because the fat lady can't sing."